Worst President in History? ..Maybe not

With all of the negative anti-Bush rhetoric flying around, it's important to remember the administration's vast accomplishments - many of which are clearly outlined on Bush's reelection website. It's a lengthy read, so I shall summarize. Since that fateful day in September, Bush has successfully completed the liberation of both Iraq and Afghanistan, as evidenced by the big-ass American army shooting all sorts of shit at will in both; he has drastically rearranged the Taliban and become the number one spokesperson for Al Qaeda recruiting in the world; he altruistically freed thousands of Iraqi citizens from the tyranny of being alive, with that compassionately conservative bombing program known as "shock-and-awe" (residents of Baghdad proper have even described the exploding smart-bombs as little shrapnel kisses blown from 25,000 feet above); he deposed President Saddam Hussein, who although cannot by definition technically be a terrorist (note the "President" before his name denoting his status as the leader of a internationally-recognized sovereign nation) was a real asshole; and confiscated his cool little gun to hang on his wall in the Oval Office next to his "100th Mentally-Retarded Inmate Electrocuted" plaque. He also eliminated Saddam's notorious "torture rooms" and "rape chambers" so that they could be replaced by rooms where people can be tortured in a more acceptablly Judeo-Christian manner by properly-trained United States military professionals and more free market-oriented mercenaries (many of whom took valuable time off from gun shows and hate crimes to uphold these admirable American values). Maybe most importantly, he courageously used all of his 17 vacations and 220 golf rounds over the last three and a half years to single handedly prevent all additional terrorist attacks on U.S. soil. It's just too bad he can't give himself the medal of honor, or can he? And all of these impressive accomplishments while still finding the time to drastically roll back our most basic freedoms, cut healthcare and environmental programs, piss off those silly foreigners with their stupid international law and goddamned multilateral treaties, find innovative ways of funnel pesky U.S. national security secrets to both Iran and Bob Novak, and prove to the world's children the educational gratuitousness of literacy. Bravo Bush!!